Out Loud
by tigerlove2002
Summary: She wanted to hear it out loud. Continuation of 7.12 and future episodes. Contains some spoilers.
1. Chapter 1

At the end of a day like this all I wanted was Calleigh. I didn't want to go check on Doug, I didn't want to see Horatio or anyone else. Calleigh. Her name rolls off my tongue with such ease. The day's events kept replaying in my mind. Why did I have to be so stupid? I let two perfect times pass me by. The first time we were each sitting on our kits waiting for Frank.

"_You doing ok?"_

"_No not really. I just found out Doug is all alone. He doesn't have a wife, family."_

"_You know you're not Doug right?"_

"_Yeah." _

"_Ok."_

"_Your friendship means a lot to me Calleigh."_

"_I didn't know you felt that way."_

"_Come on. How did you not know that, you read my file?"_

"_That was an unrelated case. It's important to me to respect your privacy."_

There is that long silence when we are looking into each other's eyes. It's like she wants to say something else, but she won't let her guard down. And then Frank walks by. God, why did he have to come then? We were getting really close there. We went back to the case trying to find the red hat that Doug Benson got rid of. Right now, I was concentrating so hard on finding the red hat so that I could finish my conversation with Calleigh when we were done.

The second time that I let slip by me we were waiting on the results from the hat that I found. Calleigh handed me the file.

"_About what happened earlier, I didn't mean to put you on the spot."_

"_Forget it."_

"_What if I don't want to?"_

"_Eric I am so confused, what do you want? You are going to have to tell me, because until I actually hear you say the words I don't even know if you believe it yourself. Do you know what I'm saying?"_

"_Yeah I do."_

And there I go again. I let her walk away from me twice today. I don't know how many more chances I'm going to get. I quickly handed Horatio the file that he wanted then I escaped to the locker room.

So here I am, sitting in the locker room still. My shift has long been done, but I can't seem to move from where I am sitting. I can't believe what a day I had. I could've had the woman of my dreams but I let my pride get in the way. The only reason why I wasn't telling her out loud was because she kept putting up her walls so high that I couldn't see over them. I didn't know how she felt. I think I do, but I don't want my heart to be broken. I'd rather her take the first step so at least I know my heart won't get broken. It didn't matter to me who took the first step as long as that first step was made.

After sitting for what felt like hours, I heard the door open. I listened carefully wishing it were a certain someone. The gentle clicks of her heels told me it was exactly who I was looking for. I pretended to be digging around for something in my locker when she walked to hers. Not knowing what I was doing I turned around and faced her. I was having an out of body experience right now; I didn't mean to be doing this right now.

"Calleigh." I didn't wait for her to respond. "I want you. You wanted to here it out loud. All I've ever wanted is you. From the moment I laid eyes on you I knew deep down in my heart we were made for each other. I couldn't imagine my life without you in it."

I was waiting for her to respond with the same feelings I had, but I was wrong. After laying my heart on the line, she left, just the same gentle way that she entered. Not a word was said. She just left. I sunk back onto the bench and let my heart fall shattered on the ground.

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Calleigh is walking out to her car.

Click…Click….Click. Stupid shoes, I think to myself. This annoying silence around me is unbearable. I can't believe what I just heard. I never thought Eric would say it out loud. How does he expect me to react to this? Does he know who he is talking to? I can't handle this right now. I have my walls built so high for a reason.

As I drive home after a tough case like today's and after my conversation with Eric the only thing on my mind is his file. The words have been engrained in my head from the moment I saw them. I should've put his file down I knew it was wrong. If I didn't put his file down though, I wouldn't have seen those words. The words that have been occupying my thoughts ever since that day:

"After I got shot it really put things in perspective. Made me think about my future; settling down. Be nice if it were Calleigh"

Ok. So I have this information, what am I supposed to do with it? I can't just act on it that would be bad. And plus, Stetler put in that new fraternization rule anyways. Ok so if he brings it up again, I'll just use Stetler as an excuse. Phew, confrontation avoided.

Little did I know my car was taking me to the one place I wanted to avoid. I pull into the driveway of a house that doesn't quite look like mine. Wait, I think to myself, why am I here? I can't go in there, he might be home.

I sit in my car debating whether or not I should go see if he is home. I notice that all the lights are still off I think maybe he isn't home. He's probably still at work doing what, I don't know. Or maybe he went out with Ryan. I saw them having an argument today. That's not normally how they act. They probably went out after work to grab a drink to ease the tension. I glance at my clock; it says 11:24. I can't go in, it would just lead to where I don't want it to lead. I would be sending him the wrong signals. But, I think to myself, maybe those are the right signals I should be sending him. After contemplating with myself, I decide to wait a little bit to see if he shows up soon. As I sit in my car, I look back at the last seven years we've shared together. Some memories are perfect while others rip at my heartstrings.

We were best friends from the moment we met. We shared so much with each other. He knew what I liked and wanted; I knew what he liked and wanted. We seriously could've sat in a room together in complete silence, and still get each other. We had this unspoken chemistry about us. Every other person could see it. It was like we were made for each other. We hardly ever fought, and if we did, we never stayed mad at one another. Simply put, we got each other. And then he got shot and it changed everything. Everything that was once so innocent now became charged with this new energy and emotion.

After he got shot, all of our longing looks started meaning something more. There was more emotion involved. I could feel him starting to grow closer to me and me to him. And that's when Jake came back. I started dating Jake again, not because he was the one, but because it wasn't new waters for me. I knew what to expect with Jake. With Eric, I never knew if he really felt that way or if it was just because I was there when he needed me. We fought almost a whole year about Jake. That was our first real fight, and it lasted as long as it did. I can't believe I spent a whole year being mad at Eric. Deep down I knew it would never last with Jake, yet I put our friendship at risk over it.

After my stroll down memory lane I realize Eric has a point. We are meant to be together. All those times when I get lost looking into his dark brown eyes have a reason. And, if I look closely, I can see our future together. I can see our wedding on the beach, our 3 kids, everything I've ever wanted. After picturing those dark brown eyes its almost as if I can see and feel my walls breaking down. It's like the weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I now know what I have to do. I have to talk to Eric. He still isn't home and its 1:05. I make a deal with myself; I'll talk to him first thing in the morning tomorrow. I put the car in reverse and drive away not knowing that Eric was inside the whole time watching me.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: sorry its been so long since I updated. I decided to go a different way with my story…kind of like a continuation of the episode with Eric/Calleigh.

After Calleigh drove home from Eric's last night she had ever intent of telling him that she felt the same as he did. Yet somewhere deep down, she knew, when push came to shove she wouldn't be able to. It just wasn't who she was.

The next day she put on a brave face when leaving her apartment for work. She hoped the day would bring a good case, one that could take her mind off of Eric. She could handle any kind of case and have it not bother her. She could take down a rapist, a sex offender, a serial killer, or anything similar. The one thing she couldn't handle was Eric.

When Calleigh arrived at the crime scene she saw that she would be working the day with Eric while Horatio and Ryan would work the other case. What she would give to switch with either Horatio or Ryan.

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As soon as I heard her come into the suite I questioned where she had been last night; too bad she had to lie right through her teeth. Actually I was lying when I told her we had save her a seat considering I wasn't there either. I was glad in that way that she hadn't gone to my door last night. Quickly changing the subject back to the case, Calleigh looked for clues as to who could've killed our victim. Looking around, she found a box of truffles in the suite and I wasn't sure if I heard her right. She admitted to the truffles being her favorite while looking at me with that look on her face. That look that I knew more than anything, it was the look when she didn't mean to say something out loud but didn't realize it until it was already out. Kind of like a don't-even-think-about-saying-anything-to-me look. Well, I wouldn't say anything to her about it, I knew better than to get on the bad side of Calleigh, especially this early on in the case. However, I would be tucking that information away to use later on.

The case continued without much interaction between Calleigh and I other than the necessary information. It was hard to avoid the elephant in the room, but I knew better than to approach the subject while we were on duty. Which is why I would wait until we were both off duty to talk to her about last night, when she was sitting in my driveway for hours. Through out the day, I kept picking up on little tid-bits of information that pulled me closer to Calleigh. Who knew she loved horses so much? I had no idea and I'm pretty sure no one else did either.

At the end of the day I took my time getting my things together in the locker room. Seeing that she wasn't in there, I went looking for her in her favorite place: the gun lab. She wasn't there either. Going over to sign out myself, I saw that Calleigh was already signed off duty. Not wanting my chance to show her how I felt slip by, I chose to leave the truffles for her on her desk with a note so she would know they were for her. I didn't feel as if I needed to sign the note considering I was probably the only one who knew about her love of the truffles. I couldn't believe I had waited for so long before I told her. Walking to my car, I tried calling her to see if she wanted to go grab dinner, but there was no answer. Instead of leaving a message I just smiled to myself and hung up the phone. No need to make myself look desperate. I knew she would either see that she missed my call or get the truffles with my note.

The lonely drive home and equally lonely dinner that followed didn't sit well with me. I had hoped that upon seeing my missed call Calleigh would call me and see what's up. However, I haven't received that call _yet_.

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Letting my mind go while riding Backdraft was unbelievable; the serenity and peace of being on a horse compares to nothing. I can't believe I haven't been on a horse in ages. Backdraft was easy to get along with; it was like we were one. I didn't need to think while I was up there, and certainly not about Eric Delko. Eric and the way his deep chocolate eyes poured endlessly into her soul, how she could get lost in those same eyes. Those eyes could almost make me do things I would normally never do, like professing my love for him. Picturing Eric got me thinking; my lack of height did have its advantages with him. I fit perfectly into the crook of his neck, his hand in mine fit like a glove, and it was almost as if we walked in sync with each other.

After an hour or so riding Backdraft, I decided to call it a day. It was a good release of some energy and it was nice to spend time alone. Well not completely alone. Terrance was there. It was nice to have company, someone to talk to. We talked about anything and everything. We talked about where I grew up, how long I had been working at MDPD. We talked about his kids, how he kept spoiling them. Terrance was able to keep my attention, and keep me involved. But I just kept one thing: Terrance isn't Eric. What I would've given to have Eric here instead, the exact opposite of what I was feeling this morning.

Instead of going home from the racetrack I chose to go into work just to check my mail and to make sure everything was taken care of from the case earlier. I grabbed my purse and phone without looking. Arriving at headquarters I quickly went to Paula so see if I had any messages. She told me I had none, not surprising since I'm normally not here anyways. Quickly turning around and heading to my heaven I noticed a box with a bow on it in the lounge. Aw I thought to myself, how sweet. If only I had someone who would do that for me. Deciding to be nosy for once, I wandered over to check out whom it was for. Imagine my surprise when I see it's for me and that it's my favorite truffles. Instantly I knew they were from Eric. He is the only one I told about those. It's nice to know that he's finally picking up the hints I'm leaving. Attached to the bow is a note:

_Calleigh,_

_When you're ready come find me. I hope I don't have to wait too long. I love you._

There was no signature, but there didn't need to be. I knew. Eric finally admitted it to me twice. Now all I have to do it admit it to him. O_nce_.

Heading to the car, I checked my phone and saw that I missed Eric's call earlier. He called me and left my truffles. And then it hit me like the recoil on gun. _We. Belong. Together. Now. Forever._

A/N2: I had a really hard time writing this chapter. Forgive me if it doesn't make sense or if there's grammar problems. I didn't want it to look like Calleigh was on a date, so that's why Terrance had kids. Hope you all like it.


	3. Chapter 3

_Walking into the interrogation_ _room with Eric, I could tell something was wrong. Tara could tell as well. My throat felt like it was closing up and I couldn't get any air in. I chose to continue with the investigation instead of getting checked out. Shortly after the interrogation with Colin Astor began, I knew I was in trouble. Eric kept looking at me while I was coughing. He knew I wasn't right. The coughing kept coming; there was no way to stop it. The last thing I remember I was collapsing into Eric's arms while he was screaming something that I couldn't make out. Then everything went black._

Slowly the blackness became white and I was standing on the beach. All alone with only the sound of the waves hitting to shore to keep me company, I was lost. I had no idea why I was here and why there was absolutely nothing else around. There were no city noises or people. Nothing. Just emptiness. Looking around I decided to go searching for some sign of life other than myself.

After walking for about a mile a man slowly started to appear. It looked as if he had come from nowhere. There were no footprints in the sand, and he appeared to be hazy. Walking closer I realized I knew this man. It was Speed. Seeing Speed freak me out. He was dead and I knew that, but I didn't understand. Hoping that I was mistaken I quietly called out his name.

"Speed?"

"Calleigh. It's good to see you." I ran as fast as I could to him. I hadn't seen him since that day he got shot. Savoring the hug a little longer I pulled away.

"Why are you here. You shouldn't be here. You're de…"

"I know." He cut me off before I could finish. Seeing the puzzled look on my face he asked me, "Do you know why you're here?"

"I'm dead aren't I?"

"No, but it's up to you. If you want to die, then you can make that decision. But I'm here to try and make you go back, to help you see that there are people who need you back there. You're life isn't complete yet Calleigh. Mine was. You need to go back though."

"I don't understand."

"You're here because you need to fight. Don't give into the easiness of letting go. You have to get back, if not for you, then for the rest of the team. For Eric."

"Eric, what could you possibly mean by that? He and I are co-workers, just like Natalia, Ryan, Horatio, and Tripp. Why single him out?"

"Are you blind Calleigh? How can you not see it he…"

"Tim don't. She has to figure it out for herself."

There appeared another figure running towards us. "Marisol?"

"Hey Calleigh."

"Don't get me wrong, it's good to see you, but I don't know you very well. It was creepy enough seeing Speed, but why are you here?"

"Because, Calleigh, whatever you decide affects someone very special to me. And I may need to be here to greet him."

Speed, seeing that I was lost, gently pulled me away so that we could be alone.

"Calleigh, do you know who she's talking about?"

"It's either Eric or Horatio and considering you singled out Eric, I'm sensing that it's him she may or may not be waiting for. But what I don't get it why? Why would she need to be waiting for Eric? He's fine. I saw him earlier today."

"Calleigh you don't get it do you?"

"No I don't. So can you spare me the time and just tell me? If he's going to die, I have to know. I can't go back there if he won't be there." Clearly getting aggravated now.

Speed, wishing he could help his partner out just said, "I wish I could help you out Calleigh. Marisol is right; this is something you have to figure out on your own. I'm sorry."

"What do I have to figure out?"

"That's up to you. Just think about this, is there something or someone worth going back to?" And without another word, he slowly faded away the same way he came.

As Speed was walking away I faintly heard the words, _"I can't imagine living my life without you."_

"Eric" I sighed. I knew that voice anywhere. Quickly turning around hoping to see him, but there was no one; complete emptiness just like before.

Wanting to process what had just happened I found a nearby rock to sit on. Gazing out onto the never-ending ocean, I couldn't help but think about my life. Was Speed right, could I choose my fate? Replaying the last couple of days I knew what I had to do. Realizing I hadn't even told _him_ yet, I set out to find Speed.

From out of nowhere I hear, "You're making the right decision."

"Speed, how did you know? _He_ doesn't even know."

"I've known since the beginning; probably since before either of you knew."

"I knew too." Marisol appeared again. "And thank you Calleigh."

"Why?"

"Because, now we can go back to where we belong and so can you."

"Say 'Hi' to him for us." They both said before leaving for the last time.

Watching them walk away, I closed my eyes and everything went black again. Fighting like hell to get back to where I belonged, to _him_, I forced my eyes to open up to the blinding light. Looking around to see where I was, I started choking. Hoping to see _him_ sitting by my bedside, I looked down and found his watch on my wrist. Blinking back the tears, I knew I had made the right choice: to fight. He needed me here and I needed to be with _him_.

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The buzzing of my phone pulled me away from my imagination. Glancing down at the screen I saw that it was Alexx. Immediately I thought of the worst. In my head, I played out all the bad situations I could find myself in after I talked to Alexx. Quickly erasing those thoughts from my head, I went out in search of Alexx. Finding her in the waiting room looking for me, I ran up to her with tears already in my eyes.

"Alexx, don't tell me she's gone."

"Don't worry Eric. She's going to be fine."

"Really. Oh my god Alexx, thank you so much. For everything."

"You're welcome baby. But before you go talk to her, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, whatever you'd like."

"How long?"

"For a while. Now if only she would feel the same way." I thought it crazy how everybody else knew but Calleigh. The one person, who knew how to read me on everything else, couldn't read me on something as simple as love.

"She does Eric. Just give her some time."

Saying goodbye to Alexx and promising to keep in touch I went to Calleigh's room. It was extremely hard for me not to break out in a full sprint to get to her faster, but I knew better. Quietly opening her door I could see that she was sleeping peacefully. All the tubes and wires and everything that was in her before now were removed. Taking this moment in, I gently pulled the screen back and went to her bedside.

"Hey." She said, waking up to the sound of the screen being pulled back. It took everything in me not to rush over to her and carry her out of the hospital. I simply flashed her my giddy smile.

"I put my watch on you so you'd know I was here incase you woke up while I was out on the investigation."

"I knew you were here."

"How did you know I was here? Could you…you heard me? You heard what I said?"

"Yeah." She closed her eyes, trying to remember what I had said. "It was like a dream."

"It was real." Thinking we would continue to dance around each other until someone else showed up, I decided to take her hand in mine. I knew she was fragile so I tried not to disturb anything, gently rubbing back and forth with my thumb. And then I heard the five words that I never would've thought I'd hear,

"Will you stay with me?"

Those five words made my heart skip a beat. I knew Alexx was right. She does feel the same way; it's just harder for her to express herself. Getting Calleigh to ask me to stay with her is by far the greatest steps she's made toward me. Trying to lighten the mood, I joked at first with a no, but quickly changed my answer to yes while adding, "As long as you want me to. As long as you want me to." I just hoped her definition of 'as long as you want me to' would be forever.


End file.
